20.5.15

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31.3.15

Tomorrow Never Lives, Sir Roger Moore Dead at 87

REUTERS - LONDON

Hollywood legend Sir Roger Moore has passed away at age 87. His body was discovered by relatives who became concerned about text messages Moore was sending late last night. They found him unresponsive and he was declared dead of an apparent overdose when an ambulance arrived 15 minutes later.

Moore had survived many battles with drugs and alcoholism in the past but it appears that an addiction to prescription drugs may have been the cause of death. A spokesperson for the Moore estate has declined to comment further on this matter, asking simply that the family be left in peace during this difficult time.

Roger Moore was best known for his role as super-spy James Bond and other minor roles such as a flamboyant homosexual in Boat Trip (2007). According to Wikipedia sources, he was known by his nickname "The Big Knit" and is also known for doing charity work.


Roger Moore, 1827-2015

10.7.14

Skiphopz Acquired by CNN


Reuters - 11:31 AM
Washington DC

MEDIA giant CNN will be purchasing popular rap and celebrity news website Skiphopz Dot Com, according to a press conference held at the CNN Broadcast Centre earlier this morning.

CNN boss Phil Kent was all smiles as he announced the deal, believed to be worth approximately $2.5 million (USD). He praised the journalistic integrity of the anonymous Skiphopz journalists, noting that they were the first media outlet to run with the story of Bill Cosby’s death.

Skiphopz CEO Forum Noob was also present at the press conference. He shook hands with Kent and handed over the keys to the blog as he addressed the audience of CNN reporters: “This is a new era in world-wide-web news reporting. We are pleased to be so warmly welcomed into the CNN family.”

There are plans for a complete redesign of the Skiphopz home page, Noob announced, including a JavaScript news ticker and the possibility of a spinoff ‘Skiphopz Spanish’ page.

The deal also includes Skiphopz sister site The Global Daily, a troubled news website which has been under constant attack from the Russian Spammors and Chinese Hackors for more than 5 years.

The buyout is seen by industry insiders as an aggressive grab for internet credibility by the aging media network. CNN’s ratings have been dipping lower and lower each year and they trail other major news outlets in online engagement.

27.5.14

Bill Cosby Dead Following Freak "Accident"

According to official sources, actor and comedian Bill Cosby has passed away following a freak accident on the set of Dancing with the Stars.


The tragic accident happened during a rehearsal while filming at ABC Studios. Cosby was attempting to perform a waltz when he partner, a professional samba instructor, threw him into the air. Cosby landed awkwardly on his ankle, causing it to snap on impact. His leg collapsed on jagged piece of bone, piercing an artery. Doctors attempted to amputate and stop the flow of blood but were unable to save Bill Cosby's life. He died in the ambulance while being rushed to hospital.


Cosby's inclusion in the show was controversial. He was brought in as a last-minute replacement for Gary Busey who was unable to commit to the filming schedule. A fan poll on the official Dancing website picked Cosby as the most wanted celebrity.

Earlier in the week Cosby posted a candid video to Youtube where he expressed doubts about his dancing skills, making chilling comments like "Kids these days with their breakdance and their mambo number 5. Maybe its time for this old man to shuffle off the stage."