Japanese Vocaloids Take Over

In earthquake-ravaged Japan a new media sensation is sweeping the country, the so called “Vocal-aloids” are the computer generated songstresses entertaining millions with their unique blend of bumper pop hits and easy listening music stylings. The characters have taken the internet by storm, crossing over onto popular English websites such as Youtube, Lycos and Altavista.

A Vocaloid is a virtual machine capable of imitating a human voice perfectly via electronic software. Users of the Vocaloid program simply need to type in the lyrics of their song and use an "auto-tune" effect, the virtual idol does the rest. The resulting music is often combined with 3D animations of the Vocaloid characters dancing or jerking their AIDS semen into a kinder surprise egg.

The king of the Vocal-aloids is Hatsune Miku, a green haired anime boy with pigtails who is capable of hitting the highest notes. He was the brainchild of Toyota advertising executives who use him to promote the 2011 Toyota Corolla, saying "With big dreams in a compact package, both the Corolla and Miku are driving straight to the top."

Did you know: According to official waist-size data, Miku is currently the fattest of the vocaloids. She loves to eat smoked cheese.

Hatsune Miku is one of the Vocaloids many capable of singing in English as well as Japanese and a host of other languages such as Spanish and French. Other popular Vocaloids include Black Rock Shooter, Sonika, Teto (a lesbian), Aya Hirano and Len.

The popularity of the Vocaloids has grown since their videos were reposted to youtube from Japanese youtube clone "Nico Nico Douga". Now the virtual idols are a phenomena celebrated all over the world, not just in the bedrooms of the Japanese Otaku (translators note: Otaku means computer geek). This transformation was complete in 2011 when Toyota announced a series of massive concerts featuring Demon Queen English Vocaloid Hatsune Miku. These unique live concerts are accomplished by projecting an image of the vocaloid via an overhead projector, making the illusion that they are singing on a real stage. Many thousands of Otaku flock to these events, hoping to catch a glimpse of their favourite software-gal or perhaps catch a stray piece of data to take home as a souvineir. Some even express a desire to digitize themselves and become a vocaloid.

Vocaloid culture is on the rise. Many companies are even producing plastic models of the characters, immortalising them on the mantelpieces of stupid music lovers everywhere. With this style of music taking over the charts is it possible that talented rap singers like Nelly and Bone Thugs may be out of a job? Time will tell.


Jay-Z DECODED in his new book!

THE new best-ever bestseller "Decoded" is all about the Jigga Man breaking down some of his famous rap lyrics and telling u the story behind them. It took a long time for the publisher to convince Jigga to write the book, he kept telling them that he doesnt write...he just makes up entire books in his head.
In this article I will give some examples of the hidden meaning behind the raps.

Jay-Z rapped: "Your homie Hov in position, in the kitchen with soda"
He really meant: Jay-Z may pop up in your kitchen when you least expect it and offer you a cold drink. What a bro.

Jay-Z rapped: "Show 'em how to move in a room full 'o vultures"
He really meant: "Be careful when moving around the aviary, sudden movements can startle the birds. Watch the way I move and try to follow"

Jay-Z rapped:
"you was a ballerina I got your pictures I seen ya"
He really meant: This means exactly what it says; its what Jay-Z says when he goes to watch ballet and meets the performers backstage.

Jay-Z rapped: Big Pimpin'
He really meant: It's a typo, the song is actually about Scottie Pippin and the size of his arms.

Jay-Z rapped: "The year's ninety-four and my trunk is raw"
He really meant: "I caught a terrible STD in 1994"

Jay-Z rapped:
"I can help shorty blow out like Afro-Sheen
Plus I can relive my days of youth which is gone
That little nigga's peeps, it's time to put him on"
He really meant: "I made a young Memphis Bleek suck my dick"


Everything You Wanted to Know About Touhou But Were Afraid to Ask

Touhou Project (also known as Tha Shrine Maidenz) is a series of so called Japanese "video games" where the player controls a lolita girl who has to shoot down enemy foreigners. Hundreds of Touhou games have been produced so far and the trend shows no sign of stopping. The franchise has become wildly popular in recent years, giving birth to several comic books and action figures depicting the Touhou gang.

The magic of Touhou started in 2002 with the release of "The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil", an RPG (rolling play game) in which the object of the game is to rape a young girl on a subway platform. An important part of the game is avoiding the police patrols which will attempt to put a stop to your activities. To survive you will need to collect the powerups to increase your abilities and grab the magic 'spell card' which destroys all enemies on the screen. Players are awarded points for how quickly and efficiently they are able to complete the task at hand, and are ranked on a high score leaderboard online. The best players compete at the highest difficulty level; "lunatic", and compete for bragging rights on the high school playground or around the office water cooler.

Did you know: Touhou is a Japanese word literally translated as "girl with fat thighs"

Marisa Kirisame, one of the most popular Touhous


Touhou has become one of the most popular anime franchises in mainstream Japanese culture, even winning multiple design awards around the world and being recognised by Andy Warhol who installed all the games on his laptop after obtaining the files at a LAN party. Recently it has started to gather steam in different countries around the world, becoming a favourite of young girls everywhere.

The rabid Touhou fans gather each year at Comiket, a Japanese comic book convention, to swap comics and engage in LARP (live action role playing) of their favourite character. It is common for fans of the series to produce their own fan works, including video games, dioramas and symphonies. Sony, the original creator of Touhou, encourages the creativity within the fanbase.

Did you know: Each year Japan exports over 700 tonnes of "hugging pillows" featuring Touhou characters.

The popularity of Touhou is due to the amount of characters in the franchise. There are well over 100 unique characters to collect (all of them female), each with their own loyal fanbase. Currently the most popular girl is Cirno, the ice demon.

In 2008 there was controversy over Touhou when a young boy brought a gun to school and shot 4 of his classmates after playing a Touhou game. This caused the Japanese government to crack down on "bullet hell" shooters, a genre of video games where players must shoot everyone and make them go to hell. Although bullet hell games where real people die are becoming increasingly rare in the marketplace.

Did you know: Pop sensation Justin Bieber owns a Touhou plushie.

With Touhou characters such as Miku Hatsune becoming well known in the West through Youtube, advertising and other media is it only a matter of time before the franchise becomes a worldwide hit into the future and beyond. Excelsior!