Japanese Vocaloids Take Over

In earthquake-ravaged Japan a new media sensation is sweeping the country, the so called “Vocal-aloids” are the computer generated songstresses entertaining millions with their unique blend of bumper pop hits and easy listening music stylings. The characters have taken the internet by storm, crossing over onto popular English websites such as Youtube, Lycos and Altavista.

A Vocaloid is a virtual machine capable of imitating a human voice perfectly via electronic software. Users of the Vocaloid program simply need to type in the lyrics of their song and use an "auto-tune" effect, the virtual idol does the rest. The resulting music is often combined with 3D animations of the Vocaloid characters dancing or jerking their AIDS semen into a kinder surprise egg.

The king of the Vocal-aloids is Hatsune Miku, a green haired anime boy with pigtails who is capable of hitting the highest notes. He was the brainchild of Toyota advertising executives who use him to promote the 2011 Toyota Corolla, saying "With big dreams in a compact package, both the Corolla and Miku are driving straight to the top."

Did you know: According to official waist-size data, Miku is currently the fattest of the vocaloids. She loves to eat smoked cheese.

Hatsune Miku is one of the Vocaloids many capable of singing in English as well as Japanese and a host of other languages such as Spanish and French. Other popular Vocaloids include Black Rock Shooter, Sonika, Teto (a lesbian), Aya Hirano and Len.

The popularity of the Vocaloids has grown since their videos were reposted to youtube from Japanese youtube clone "Nico Nico Douga". Now the virtual idols are a phenomena celebrated all over the world, not just in the bedrooms of the Japanese Otaku (translators note: Otaku means computer geek). This transformation was complete in 2011 when Toyota announced a series of massive concerts featuring Demon Queen English Vocaloid Hatsune Miku. These unique live concerts are accomplished by projecting an image of the vocaloid via an overhead projector, making the illusion that they are singing on a real stage. Many thousands of Otaku flock to these events, hoping to catch a glimpse of their favourite software-gal or perhaps catch a stray piece of data to take home as a souvineir. Some even express a desire to digitize themselves and become a vocaloid.

Vocaloid culture is on the rise. Many companies are even producing plastic models of the characters, immortalising them on the mantelpieces of stupid music lovers everywhere. With this style of music taking over the charts is it possible that talented rap singers like Nelly and Bone Thugs may be out of a job? Time will tell.


  1. Altavista! What is this the 90s?

  2. bro dont joke about that shit, u know my altavista site with ALL MY OLD ARTICALS got deleted in 2009

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