Melbourne Victory and Liverpool fans in tears

The football season has gone from bad to worse for 2 clubs on opposite sides of the globe. Liverpool and Melbourne have failed so hard that many are wondering if either club will be around for next season.

Former European giants LIVERPOOL have had one of the worst seasons in the history of world football, with humiliating losses to Stoke, Michael Bolton and famously shitty team Spurs.

Star striker Stevie Gerrard has admitted that the club are not playing well. In a post match press conference he told reporters that he was sick of losing every week and had been calling other clubs asking if he could come and maybe play a match for them or even just sit on the bench.

To make matters worse, former 'Pool favourite Fernando Torres missed a shot on an open goal, prompting many pundits to question whether he has ever scored a goal before or even knows how to kick a ball through the 2 white posts.

Crowd attendance at Liverpool games has been falling since they were overtaken by Manchester City as the 4th best team in English football. With fan support and popularity hitting rock bottom this season, many pundits are wondering if the club will ever recover.

Meanwhile in Australia, fallen "glamour club" MELBOURNE VICTORY are doing no better. The club recently made a deal to sign journeyman winger (who never tracks back) Harry Kewell. Unfortunately he tore both his achillies tendons while getting off the plane, it looks like he will be out of action for about 4 years.

According to football writer Philip Micallef, Kewell could be banned from playing in the A-League: "Kewell has yet to put pen on paper and it could all end up in tears because the Socceroos hero will be barred from playing in the A-League unless he signs a Standard Player Contract (SPC) like everybody else...Banning Kewell would be a highly unpopular and controversial measure but one that FFA would be well within its right to take."

The problem is that Kewell has signed multiple sponsorship deals with errectile dysfnction companies, in a hope to enlarge his own penis and bank account.

Even with Kewell on their side, doubts remain about Melbourne's chances this season. Many pundits have already written them off, expecting the fallen giants to be a mid-table team at best, possibly sneaking into the finals with a bit of luck. Meanwhile, rivals SYDNEY FC have strengthened their squad with star Socceroo Brett Emerton who has said he wants Harry Kewell's head on a pike by the end of the season.



Skiphopz is back with a bumper travel issue. In this new regular feature I will tell you how to travel the world and become a more cultured citizen of the internet like me.

Gay Paree is situated conveniently in the middle of Europa and is a favourite destination of travelpeople around the world. There are many attractions to see and try, such as standing around near the Eiffel Tower (a French knockoff of the Statue of Liberty) and eating sticks of bread called Yiros. While you're in the country, why not partake in some of the famous cheeses and wines? Some of the most popular are 'heroin' and 'cocaine'.

Getting around in France is easy, you can rent one of the famous European hatchbacks such as the Ford Focus. I would not recommend riding a bicycle in France because based on what I've seen on TV you have to be PRETTY FUCKING GOOD.

Other popular French pass times include having gay sex and visiting the museum of French War Heroes (don't worry, it only takes a few minutes).