The 5 Realest Rap Criminals

THE anals of hip hop history are full of rappers acting hard and admitting to crimes they never really did. But there are some rappers who walked the walk. Skiphopz Dot Com counts down 5 of the realest criminals in rap...


Coming in at number 5 on the list, Mr Lloyd Banks has terrorized dozens of people with his annoying act of stealing umbrellas. Whenever he leaves a cafe or indoor location where people store umbrellas near the entrance, he takes one. When an elderly man pointed out "Thats my umbrella" Lloyd simply replied "Come and take it!" before skipping out the door laughing. None of the victims have pressed charges and at the time of writing he remains a rap criminal at large.

4. DR. DRE

The public facade of 'The Good Doctor' is nothing more than an elaborate ruse invented by the infamous Dr Dre while he continues to work his dark arts behind closed doors. These unspeakable acts make him our 4th most feared assassin of all time. The fact that Dre never went to medical school has not stopped him from opening his own medical practice, fronted by a real doctor named Dr Marshall Mathers, where he allegedly cuts people up into small pieces and sews them back together in his spare time. In a recent interview Dre said his "work" is nearly complete and Detox will be released soon, we can only guess at what secrets lie behind that mysterious locked door in his basement.


Number 3 on our list of dumbest criminal masterminds is none other than the fat man himself, Rick Ross. Ross decided he would steal five cents from every bank account in the world, thinking he could make a lot of money and remain undetected. So he started hanging around ATMs and beating people up, stealing their cards and forcing them to give up their PIN at knifepoint, then he would withdraw the five cents. Rick Ross has made over $15 from these crimes. He is a wanted criminal in 9 states, his current whereabouts unknown.


The 'Pazmanian Devil' is as notorious as he is feared. He made his name sneaking into orphanages during feeding time, using his babyface to avoid detection by the guards. He would make his way to the head of the feeding line, hold a bowl in to the air and say "Please sir, may I have some more?" before pulling out a samurai sword and going to town, brutally slicing the throats of any who dare try to run. He would then sit in the bloodsoaked room eating his fill of beans and porridge. If you see a fat manchild covered in tattoos please call Crimestoppers, you can remain anonymous if you wish.


Our number one rapping serial killer has to be Big Willie himself, Will 'The Fresh Prince' Smith. His sadistic acts are legendary, starting with the rape and murder of a young girl in 1990. Once his brutality was unleashed, he knew no boundaries, torturing, killing, cannibalizing victims, both male and female.

With the release of his Code Red album in 1993, Smith's lyrics became darker as he ruminated on the terrible events of 1990. One night after a concert in Florida he became angry with a young girl for laughing at him when he propositioned her for sex. He beat her until she was unconscious with the help of 'Jazzy Jeff', then raped, sodomized, and tortured her before dumping her weighted body into a swamp. Jazzy Jeff was shaken by the experience and begged Will Smith to turn himself in, but Smith simply laughed, pulled out a dagger and threatened to cut off Jeff's balls if he ever spoke of what happened this night. Will Smith continued to kill after each live performance. Encouraged by his success he worked on mastering this skill of torture, often keeping his mutilated victims alive for weeks. The killings became more macabre and sadistic each year, he sometimes cannibalized parts of their bodies while they watched in horror or forced them to participate in the eating.

In 1997 the hip hop task force special investigation into the missing groupies was turning up enough leads that pointed the finger at Smith. After a search of Will Smith's estate uncovered clothing worn by one of the girls, Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff were indited for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. While awaiting trial in prison, Jazzy Jeff broke down under police pressure and told authorities about Will Smith's other killings, starting in 1990.

Two weeks before he was due to give evidence at the murder trial, Jazzy Jeff disappeared. Two weeks later his scrotum was discovered nailed to the door of the New York Supreme Court. Will Smith claimed he had nothing to do with it, and the prosecution was forced to dismiss the case due to a lack of evidence. The families of the victims were outraged. They claimed Will Smith's powerful Hollywood connections were influencing the course of justice.

The mysterious disappearances of groupies on Will Smith's world tours had almost stopped in 1999, until Smith ordered a press conference and taunted police by saying the 'Willenium' was coming and he could not be stopped. In the decade form 2000 to 2010 there were at least 180 confirmed cases of girls, some as young as 12, disappearing after being last seen at a Will Smith concert. Some experts have claimed Will Smith may be the most prolific serial killer of all time.

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