Golden Girl Goldie Hawn Dead Following Botched Facelift

Golden Girl Goldie Hawn Dead Following Botched Facelift 

It has been reported by the famous new website "The Global Daily" that famous person Goldie Hawn is dead. (full disclosure: The Global Daily is part of the Skiphopz Entertainment Network)


Goldie Hawn checked into Madison Grove Private Clinic yesterday to receive a routine facelift operation, unaware of the bizarre events that would unfold. The problems began when the operating theater was moved, 2 hours into the marathon 6-hour procedure. A centipede infestation was reportedly disrupting the delicate instruments and the insects had crawled into the heart monitor, causing it to malfunction. After finally relocating the operation to a different wing of the hospital, lead doctor Winston Hopkins discovered Goldie's face had been left behind.

This is what her face looked like (file photo)
Witnesses say Dr Hopkins tore off his mask and broke down in tears. He was quoted saying "The face is gone. Lord, forgive us what we done [sic]" while sobbing uncontrollably as he slumped towards the staff lounge. Police later placed him under a 24-hour suicide watch. Meanwhile, other nurses and doctors tore away their scrubs and began to search the hospital grounds for the missing face.

Goldie Hawn's partner Kurt Russell thought he had located the famous flap of bloody skin when he stumbled across a leather baseball glove in one of the wards, but it was a false alarm. Goldie's body was quickly dying with no face to breathe oxygen and there was nothing that could be done. As time ran out Dr Hopkins burst into the operating room and offered his own face as a replacement but was shouted down by the replacement surgeon as cooler heads prevailed. A last ditch effort to relocate Hawn's mouth and eyes to a golden retriever ended in failure. Goldie Hawn was pronounced dead at 5:15 AM.

Goldie Hawn photographed hawking stolen iPhones on the street

Goldie Hawn's death was met with an outpouring of grief and support on Twitter. Lifelong friend Justin Bieber was particularly distraught, tweeting "wow i cant belieb she has really gone. thanks goldie for bird on a wire". Elsewhere, President Obama released a statement thanking Hawn for her many years of service. MTV will be screening a special memorial program on Sunday.

Goldie will be remembered for numerous roles on the silver screen, including Foul Play, Shampoo, Overboard, Bird on a Wire, Death Becomes Her, The First Wives Club, On Golden Pond and Cactus Flower, for which she won the 1969 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. She was the mother of actors Oliver and Kate Hudson. Hawn had maintained a relationship with actor Kurt Russell since 1983. She was 67 years old.

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