Kris Kross Retrospective

we at skiphopz are big fans of comedy duo KRIS KROSS and we are sadenned by the death of the miggidy-miggidy-miggidy-miggidy-Mack Daddy himself, Chris Kelly...we will take this oportunity to look back at the great mans career spanning 1 decade. read da full article after da jump...

AD 1978: Chris Kelly is born under mysterious circumstances in parts unknown

AD 1989: Chris Kelly accidently puts his jeans on backwards. His best friend Chris Smith makes fun of him until Kelly convinces him that "all the cool kids are doing it"

AD 1990: Hitmaker Jermaine Dupri discovers Chris Kelly jumping up and down at a mall, decides to give him a record deal. Later it is revealed that he was having a seizure but the deal is done and there was no cooling-off period stipulated in the contract

AD 1991: Kelly travels to a crossroads where he makes a deal with The Devil. Later that night the hit single "Jump" is composed. Kelly would later pay a terrible price for this bargain...

AD 1992: "Totally Krossed Out" is released. The album receives 5 mics from The Source and sells 2 billion copies worldwide. US troops in Operation Desert Storm credit the song with inspiring their hearts to victory, even Saddam Hussein agrees "it is a good song".

AD 1992: The single "Jump" is released, making people want to jump

AD 1992: "Kris Kross: Make My Video" is released for the Sega CD, which featured the song "Jump"

AD 1993: Kriss Kross-Mania strikes the UK as the brothers tour Europe, it is confirmed that people over there also want to jump

AD 1995: Creative differences almost tear the duo apart, in a fit of rage Kelly accuses Smith of being merely "Def", not "So So Def". Smith responds by saying he no longer wishes to make people want to jump, he wants to see what other things he can make people want to do

AD 1996: Sales of "Jump" surpass 3 billion worldwide. America's GDP continues to skyrocket out of control, cementing their claim as the world superpower. Scientists report that mass jumping has damaged the tectonic plates underneath the Earth's crust, earthquakes ravage the developing world

AD 1998: A compilation album "Gonna Make U Jump" is released, featuring the song "Jump"

AD 1999: Kris Kross perform "Jump" to a crowd of people who no longer wish to jump. The Chrises are stunned by this development as they are booed offstage

AD 2000: Sales of "Jump" plummet as Destiny's Child release their highly derivative single "Jumpin Jumpin" which people like twice as much

AD 2003: Chris Smith's short lived solo career comes to and end. His debut single "Keep Jumping Please" from the album "Things I Will Make You Want to Do" is a total flop that bombs in a terrible way as he brings shame to his family and ancestors

AD 2004: Chris Kelly desperately needs to jump start his car to get to work but he has no jumper cables. Everyone except him finds the situation hilarious. He attempts to catch a bus but arrives too late, causing everyone to laugh even harder

AD 2006: Diehard fans are still holding the torch as the 11th Anal Kris Kross day is celebrated

AD: 2009: Kelly tries to make his girlfriend try base jumping but she refuses

AD 2011: The members of Kris Kross start wearing their clothes normally

AD 2012: Chris Kelly is injured in an ultimate frisbee accident, he lands awkwardly and his shinbone becomes lodged in his thigh. Doctors say he will never jump again

AD 2013: Chris Kelly goes on a massive bender and dies

1 comment:

  1. AD 2004 - Damn that's sad.
    *Pours one out for his homey


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